I'm in a funk right now. I'm completely burnt out at work and there is something going on with my blood sugars/medications. Every afternoon around 4:30 I start getting really nauseated, cold sweats and dizzy. My blood sugars are in a normal range during this time, so I know I'm not crashing. I'm just not sure what to think. Maybe my body thinks I'm crashing since my BSL were running so high last month? New meds seem to finally be working, but I'm much more sensitive to carb intake than I was. I think it will be a good thing in the end. I don't like the highs and crashes. I almost think my previous meds were working too well and letting me ignore my carb intake because they were working to stabilize my sugars.
I should be totally stoked right now. I'm going to see "Wicked" in 2 days, something I've wanted to do for years. I just get a feeling that something is going to go awry. Doom and Gloom. Never a good thing.
My circadian rhythms are really hosed right now and I think that is also playing into why I'm feeling so funky. My work schedule has been so erratic the last few months, I can't seem to get to sleep before 3 am anymore. Then I get up at 8 and try to work, but get tired and end up taking a nap. It used to be that I could take a 20 minute nap and feel fine. Now unless I get a couple of hours sleep, I'm useless. I woke up early yesterday to get Z ready for school and had a doctor's appointment at 10:45. I went back to get ready for it at 9:15ish and fell asleep. I woke up at 4. I called J to have him pick up Z, then slept again until almost 10pm. WTF? That isn't normal.
I don't know. Maybe just everything from the last couple of months is catching up with me, plus post holidays blues. I've done really good to manage my stress and keep my depression at bay for the last year. I just need to get over this hump. Maybe this weekend will help.
I'm putting together things to keep me busy and give me something to look forward to intentionally so that I don't get into a post-activity slump, but I'm not sure it's working. I need a nice long vacation and some fun. A weekend away will help, but I want something bigger. I dream of Disneyland at least 3-4 times a week. It's been over a year since we've been. I want to take Z again. Until we get the house sold and/or move, I just don' think it's going to happen though. Maybe in the fall.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Brain Dumps and Time
I haven't blogged or journaled in a long time. I've had a series of online journals and a couple of blogs, but I can't want to return to those. They are a depressing view of the last 12 years of my life. A chapter that ended 5 years ago.
I'd like to think I've grown up since then. That I've matured and grown as a person and professionally. Sometimes I'm not so sure though.
I was reading through some rants I did about a job I worked at in the early 2000's and the complaints and issues I had then aren't too different than the ones I have now. I'm not sure what to think.
All I know for sure is that right now, I need a place to get my thoughts out of my head. I don't want to do Facebook. I use twitter to read what other people are doing and to post the randomness in my life. But this is going to be a better place for longer brain dumps.
That is what I need in my life right now. A major brain dump. I need to take all the frustration and stress and dump it out someplace. I live a relatively solitary life. I don't have friends outside my family. I hold a lot in because I don't have people outside my family to talk to. They aren't the most unbiased resources when I'm looking for advice. Although I can generally count on my mom to give me a differing opinion than my own, which is helpful. But sometimes I just need somwhere to rant and dump my frustrations. I don't care who reads it or doesn't read it. It's not important. This is for me. My outlet.
I'm so burnt out right now. Work is killing me. Sometimes literally. I've worked between 60 and 110 hours a week every week since April. This week, I worked from Tuesday 8-1pm and then 5pm Tuesday to 8pm on Wednesday. 36 hours in 2 days. That's on top of the 15 hours I put in on Sunday and the 12 hours I put in on Monday. So today I'm just not motivated to work. I'm taking tomorrow off. I NEED a break.
My meds are screwed up and I'm weepy mess. I've let me job overrun my life this year. I've missed my daughter changing from a toddler to a little girl this year and I kills me. I've been travelling and working insane hours and schedules. I am proud of myself for managing my stress levels successfully for the last 8 months, but am devestated at the time I've lost with my family and how my priorities have shifted.
Goal #1 for next year: find a work/life balance and stick to it!
I'd like to think I've grown up since then. That I've matured and grown as a person and professionally. Sometimes I'm not so sure though.
I was reading through some rants I did about a job I worked at in the early 2000's and the complaints and issues I had then aren't too different than the ones I have now. I'm not sure what to think.
All I know for sure is that right now, I need a place to get my thoughts out of my head. I don't want to do Facebook. I use twitter to read what other people are doing and to post the randomness in my life. But this is going to be a better place for longer brain dumps.
That is what I need in my life right now. A major brain dump. I need to take all the frustration and stress and dump it out someplace. I live a relatively solitary life. I don't have friends outside my family. I hold a lot in because I don't have people outside my family to talk to. They aren't the most unbiased resources when I'm looking for advice. Although I can generally count on my mom to give me a differing opinion than my own, which is helpful. But sometimes I just need somwhere to rant and dump my frustrations. I don't care who reads it or doesn't read it. It's not important. This is for me. My outlet.
I'm so burnt out right now. Work is killing me. Sometimes literally. I've worked between 60 and 110 hours a week every week since April. This week, I worked from Tuesday 8-1pm and then 5pm Tuesday to 8pm on Wednesday. 36 hours in 2 days. That's on top of the 15 hours I put in on Sunday and the 12 hours I put in on Monday. So today I'm just not motivated to work. I'm taking tomorrow off. I NEED a break.
My meds are screwed up and I'm weepy mess. I've let me job overrun my life this year. I've missed my daughter changing from a toddler to a little girl this year and I kills me. I've been travelling and working insane hours and schedules. I am proud of myself for managing my stress levels successfully for the last 8 months, but am devestated at the time I've lost with my family and how my priorities have shifted.
Goal #1 for next year: find a work/life balance and stick to it!
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