I seriously need a ten minute rant out of my system right now.  My husband has seriously screwed up this week and I don't know what I'm more angry about right now, the fact that we are $200+ in the hole from bounced checks because when he tells me he is going to get gas at Sam's club, I take that to mean he is going to use the Sam's Club card, not the debit card.  Or if I'm more angry/hurt over this anniversary fiasco.  I swear to christ every year it is the same let down. I don't know why I even bother to get my hopes up anymore.  He fucking TELLS me he is going to send me flowers at work and then fails to do so.  What's worse is he has the audacity to blame it on me!!!!  Because he supposedly didn't know that I was going to be at work.  What a load of bullshit. He dropped the ball again.  How dare he blame me for his lack of planning?!?!?  Granted it's a moot point because we don't have the money for it anyway. 

Our plans for date night totally fell through beacuse of Z getting sick. I can deal with that.  My sitter isn't available this weekend.  I can deal with that.  It's another year gone by with a crappy fast food dinner and us hardly speaking.  Yay.  Happy fucking anniversary.  I'm just sick of it.  I'm tired of him blaming me for everything.  He gets mad when the I ask him to do the dishes, which haven't been done in over a week, even though we aren't eating at home!!  He bitches that I ask him to do everything.  I give up.  It looks like it's back to I do it or it doesn't get done.  Fucking selfish bastard.  Sometimes I really don't know why I am sticking around in this marriage.  I have thought about leaving on more than one occassion.  The only reason I haven't left is Z.  Sometimes I think she'd be better off without me around anyway.  Maybe they both would.  They could be happy and live how they want without me nagging them to pick up after themselves or help clean the fucking house.  Let him manage the money.  See how badly he is fucking us over by not giving a rats ass where the money is going and eating out every night. 

I just really want to give up and give in and go away right now.  I hate my life right now.  I know it's a passing rage but it isn't any less real.  He just doesn't get why I'd rather be alone in my bedroom than with him.  I fucking hate him right now.  Looking at him makes me so angry I could puke scream and just want to beat the shit out of something.  So I separate myself to keep him safe.  Then he tries to be all lovey dovey and I just want to slug him.  Get the fuck off me!  Leave me alone and get your head out of your ass and DO SOMETHING for a change.