I'm enjoying some quiet time today. James and Z are napping. Somehow it is different when it's quiet and there are people in the house, and quiet from my day to day when I'm home alone. It's more comforting now, when they are here. There is a crackling fire in our fireplace for the first time since we moved in. It's been raining off and on all day. It's been a cozy kind of day.
Zoe helped James make breakfast this morning. I'm still a little nervous about her being around the stove, but she is becoming quite proficient at making scrambled eggs, once they are in the pan. She insisted on having the bread "peels" for her toast this morning. James explained they were called "heels" but she said she liked "peels" better. She definitely does not lack for self confidence.
We spent the morning doing puzzles and while I was working on taxes (ick) and James was cleaning the kitchen (bless him!). It was morning of laughter and cuddling and just cozy. I need that right now.
I found out my cousin Uraina's youngest son died last week. I don't know the details, but I'm saddened for her loss and can only imagine the pain she is going through. I'm sad that that I didn't even know she had another son. I haven't seen her since our grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary, I've never met her kids, and given how I feel about her father, may not ever see her again. That's just how things tend to go, especially on my dad's side of the family. I'm glad that I have a connection to Jim now, even if it's mostly virtual. It makes me feel better to know that at least one of my dad's brother's is nearby to him.
I just feel like I've lost so much of my family in the last couple of years. I am so grateful that my parents are so involved in our lives and with Zoe. It makes me sad to know that she barely knew Gloria and probably won't remember my nana or grandma much longer. I'm so thankful that she has her aunt Lorri and uncle Louis, and that my brother is such an awesome uncle to her as well. It's the one thing that is helping he and I to have a somewhat better relationship.
There are times that I would like nothing better than to sit Jason down and just talk to him. I want to make him understand that how sorry I am for how I treated him when I was younger and how proud of him I am now and how much I want to get to know him. I want to know what he thinks of me and just have him get it out of his system. I hate the fact that I'm hesitant to ever call him because I don't know if he'll take my call or if he'll rip my face off. I wonder if he realizes how much he means to me. My guess is probably not.
Ok I'm getting a bit maudlin here. Time to get back to taxes and enjoying the peace and quiet.
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