I haven't blogged or journaled in a long time. I've had a series of online journals and a couple of blogs, but I can't want to return to those. They are a depressing view of the last 12 years of my life. A chapter that ended 5 years ago.
I'd like to think I've grown up since then. That I've matured and grown as a person and professionally. Sometimes I'm not so sure though.
I was reading through some rants I did about a job I worked at in the early 2000's and the complaints and issues I had then aren't too different than the ones I have now. I'm not sure what to think.
All I know for sure is that right now, I need a place to get my thoughts out of my head. I don't want to do Facebook. I use twitter to read what other people are doing and to post the randomness in my life. But this is going to be a better place for longer brain dumps.
That is what I need in my life right now. A major brain dump. I need to take all the frustration and stress and dump it out someplace. I live a relatively solitary life. I don't have friends outside my family. I hold a lot in because I don't have people outside my family to talk to. They aren't the most unbiased resources when I'm looking for advice. Although I can generally count on my mom to give me a differing opinion than my own, which is helpful. But sometimes I just need somwhere to rant and dump my frustrations. I don't care who reads it or doesn't read it. It's not important. This is for me. My outlet.
I'm so burnt out right now. Work is killing me. Sometimes literally. I've worked between 60 and 110 hours a week every week since April. This week, I worked from Tuesday 8-1pm and then 5pm Tuesday to 8pm on Wednesday. 36 hours in 2 days. That's on top of the 15 hours I put in on Sunday and the 12 hours I put in on Monday. So today I'm just not motivated to work. I'm taking tomorrow off. I NEED a break.
My meds are screwed up and I'm weepy mess. I've let me job overrun my life this year. I've missed my daughter changing from a toddler to a little girl this year and I kills me. I've been travelling and working insane hours and schedules. I am proud of myself for managing my stress levels successfully for the last 8 months, but am devestated at the time I've lost with my family and how my priorities have shifted.
Goal #1 for next year: find a work/life balance and stick to it!
